well, dunno wad happened but these days we keep quarrelling again.. and ytd nite is the first time he ever shake my hand off him.. haiz.. the feeling is like.. am i very irritating? u saw ur fren? but i tot u wun care? so i will tink like.. or izzit u saw a gal? so u shake my hand off? haiz.. u knw i was very angry and sad and heartbroken.. he nv did tt be4..

haiz.. i keep telling myself not to tink of it again..

no matter wad he also cant shake my hand off rite.. SIGHS

and tt nite.. he persuaded me to walk to tt bus-stop where the incident happened.. damn scared.. he jus dun understand.. he wan me to overcome it.. but pls.. not in this way can a not.. u knw how dirty and scared i feel.. u keep saying tt 100% wun happen again.. but i keep thinking tt althou its almost impossible but u nv tink tt IF it really do happen again wad will i become not.. i seriously cannot take it tts y i keep thinking ways of avoiding tt to happen again!! this kind of ting are unpredictable so pls dun say with so much confidence can not.. and the way u say it.. everything jus dun seem to wanna listen to my crap.. and u NEVER understand wad i meant.. and i cant c the effort tt ur trying to understand wad i mean..

i tell myself how many many many times not to say out the break word.. and its been really long since i've ever said it.. i already control myself.. and keep telling myself tt i will regret it if it really happens.. and keep telling myself not to always say such childish stuffs..

i know sometimes u really do give in to let me take cab home.. but i can c the unwillingness, the anger and sadness in u.. i keep telling myself and forcing myself to give in to u.. but i really really cant.. the thot of going tt area make me rather make u angry.. seriously.. i wld rather u angry with me than me ltr having being so scared to go tt area.. the images keep flashing and remembering me ALL THE TIMES.. i cant forget how i noticed the worm on my shirt and den dropped on my shorts and i cant get it out frm my shorts.. no matter how hard i shake it off it jus doesnt fall.. and i dunno where it landed.. the picture keep coming into my mind.. and i remember the colour of it very very clearly.. it really really disgust me and pls.. i really wan to avoid it as much as i can for it to happen again..

can u pls understand! and not try to let me overcome this all by urself? its impossible!!

haiz.. aft so long, i keep asking myself if i've made the right choice or not.. cos sometimes i jus dun feel tt u treasure me.. and keep thinking mayb to u, its jus a kind of used to it feeling.. izzit still love?

i knw i expected too much.. and even expect u to understand my fear of walking there.. but im seriously disappointed, sad and heartbroken whenever i can sense tt u dun make an effort to understand.. i knw to u its nth at all.. theres nth to b scared of.. and to u.. its like 100% it will nv happen again.. pls do knw tt im not u.. and i knw im crazy to b thinking all these.. scare myself and all.. but its jus impossible for me to overcome..

i dunno wad has this become.. but sometimes i knw tt this is love.. but sometimes i feel tt its all gone.. i dun wan to feel this way..

haiz..

im sorry to be saying all these.. mayb i jus feel too stressed up.. and seriously aft tt incident, i became more cautious in some sense, make myself more tired, scare myself too much and always thinking of the bad side.. feeling tt everything doesnt seem go right..

and i was doing my dsag c# assignment half way.. i seriously dunno how to do lahs.. haiz.. keep trying and trying and anyhow bomb the codes here and there.. idiott!! but still cannot work.. wth.. i really feel like dun do le lahs.. other assignments all i oso dunno need to do wad.. haiz.. i really no interest le ahhhh pls save meeee.. damn disappointed with myself for not being able to do it..

pls ahhh!! im really useless..

and 2 days ago my dad ask me go jump down the building.. LOL! i was actually serious when i asked dar wan to jump not.. he said okok.. but its not serious de i knw.. if hes really serious.. i will be more than happy to end my life with him.. at tt pnt of time, i was thinking.. cannot jump down to trees area or grass area.. sure got worm.. mus find a nice building and jump onto empty grnd.. the impact sure die very tragic de.. LOLL

darr... i really feel very bad now.. u just did smth to make me happy and satisfy me and i felt like im really a bad person.. and im so sorry.. :((

haiz.. dar.. i asked u le.. if i shld post this post.. u ask me to post de wor.. dun blame me.. :(

but dar..

HAPPY 3RD YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!

i will be strong and continue this relationship and i will make an effort to make it sweet sweet ok!!

thanks for the ting tt u just did for me.. :D

GOOD NITE DARLING!!

gogo brush ur teeth and call me and slpp..

hope jus now u in msn sad sad now ok le wor.. thou u nv tell me :(

love my dearest dar!!